steveb leatherworks: the blather

When i worked for American Iron Magazine I had the pleasure of judging a few bikes shows. At least I went into it thinking it would be a pleasure. Winds up, that judging a show, and really doing it right – requires alot of work. To boot, a deep knowledge of VTwins and bike construction is required if you’re going to do things respectfully. In the big leagues the stakes are high in terms of in, PR, bragging rights and muscle flexing recognition. There are few shows where builders really score big bucks – for the most part  – it is for ink, recognition and to show people what they got – a showcase of capability. In these shows you have pro’s mixing it up with amateurs – tough for the pro’s, but they tend to be the coolest, and as you would expect it is the amateurs that get all indignant and stupid when they dont “win”.

So I know bikes, i know how to scope details and what to look for, I get it and so does Chris, the editor of the magazine so at this specific event (Sturgis 2004?, maybe 05, I don’t  remember) the two of us team up to work with a friend LouisO (he was with Drag at the time), to judge the Custom Show at Thunder Road.  Unreal, the big crowds, heat, noise, dust… judging this was going to suck. 

So picture this..I got to the venue on the outskirts of Sturgis proper at 7am, after riding in from Rapid City, after gettting up the crack of dawn to get a decent breakfast in me before the day got away from me. I dont know about you – but I have got to have a decent breakfast, if I eat nothing else all day. A good brekkie gives me the foundation i need…anyway… we had been out late the night before, telling lies, so i was starting the day on half a tank anyway…

7am, its already hot as shit and the dust is already blowing..ferchrisakes – the doors open for registration (which I am running) at 9am – and already there is a line. Oh man, this is going to be a day…and it sure turns out to be one, lots of bikes registered in our show, it’s great, jamming attendance and the small team of 3 of us judging this beast.

Every single bike in the show gets the full treatment – on your knees, scope every detail, run your hand under fenders to feel welds, look for  wire ties and other lazy man solutions and looking for clean detailing, every single piece on the bike is viewed is reviewd and noted – on every bike.

Meanwhile – as you are doing this – all of the contestants are watching you, trying to talk to you, trying to tell you their story – trying to see if you will slip up and forget to check or note one thing on their bike. This is not a relaxed contest amongst friends, quite the opposite, people take this stuff very seriously indeed.

But some people are totally cool about it, like steve garn, the brew dude. Steve is one cool guy, mellow, smart, talented and funny. I am proud to call him a friend, and he has helped me out in the past with some pow coating. Brewdude says’ hey if I win cool, if not, I got to hang out and park inside all day for $50, and i got a shirt too’….love him

So anyway – i think i have a point to this story – or at least an amusing anecdote to share. So we get through this show, it is friggin 6pm or some shit, we’ve been at it all day in the heat, noise, dust, my knees are fucked, I am crippled, we’ve combed over more than 100 great bikes and have actually figured it out- we award like 30-40 trophies and are ready to wrap up the festivities when…a drunk comes to the stage and says ” why didn’t my bike win a trophy, its better than every piece of shit out there” hahaha

Yeah, this is what I need at this point, so i basically tell “mr. i been a drinking longnecks in da sun all damn day” ; that as good as his bike was, and it was a fine machine – there were others that were better – as hard as that might be to believe – and to back up and let us close up shop…keep in mind, the crowd is still there an we are stilll on stage and the microphone is live…hee hee…he spews some drunken venomous threats in our direction and I say…”hold on friend, hold on – and reach into the box of extra trophies I had with me on stage (always order extras of everything when your shipping to SD) and pull one out  and extra and hand it to him and say “here ya go, your a winner” good night – now go away”…the crowd laughs and this freaks him out – he doesn’t know what to do at this point…he stomps away….

Well now, would it make a good story if that was the end of Mr. Drunken Asshole’s pursuit of yours truly? Hell no! So Mr. Asshole comes back and keeps at it, pursuing me and then Chris as we are trying to get out of the venue on our bikes. He is a pretty big guy, there is no ignoring him – and this friends is why it is always smart to befriend your local LEO’s (if your not a criminal that is).

The sheriff of Thunder Road, Curt – had become a personal friend during our stay at the venue and so came to our rescue and got Mr. LongNeck escorted from the building so Chris and I could beat feet back to Rapid City – basic 12 hour day…we are dead…and people ask me if I like bike shows…to which i respond yeah, as long as I am not judging!! And ya know, I saw that guy later in the week and he apologized, which just goes to show ya what happens to nice guys when they drink in the sun all day…heh heh… instant asshole.

So Chris and I hammer back to Rapid on our loaner test bikes, right into one of the craziest rainstorms I’ve ridden through – ever (and I have gotten some good drownings, believe me) , bikes flipped over on the median, sheets on bodies in the rain, on 90, trucks running into barriers, cars flipped over..scary, butt cheek clenching ride ….and in South Dakota – there are no overpasses to hide under when the weather gets bad kids…. but that’s another story for another time.